Dealing with a Break Up: Moving On After a Fatal Crash (Part 2)

When he dropped the bomb and told you that there is no going back to the way it was before anymore, gather what remains of yourself and head on out the door. Don’t look back, just move on….



The following are some of the techniques (tested and proven) that will help you get over the breakup fast without acquiring more scratch for your already broken, beaten heart.



#1 Get rid of everything that reminds you of him. The gifts he gave you on Valentines, on your birthday, on Christmas, and so on? These are but tokens which will remind you every day that the only thing you have left of him are the memories. So gather them all, place them in a bag and return them to their sender. Much better, throw them away, burn them or give them out. However, if you cannot bear the thought of losing the tokens of your once romantic love, lock them up inside the drawer until you can say that you are surely, really, completely over him.



# Remove him from your friend list on social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, etc. If possible, block him and minimise the amount of time you spent online. The reason? Well girl, you surely would not want to see his new profile picture with his new-found girl friend smiling like a toad, right? You surely would not want to hear how much great time he was having while you are subjecting yourself to a self-inflicted misery. More so, you surely wouldn’t want to be called an “ex stalker”, checking out his status messages every day!



Another reason why I strongly suggest that you limit your presence online, especially your ‘Facebook time,’ is for you to avoid the temptation of spilling your guts out on big, big world of the Web where your friends and families (including enemies) can see your life’s drama unfolds in a very pathetic way.



Trust me, you won’t like the result. I almost (indirectly) let the world know about the plight of my poor, wretched heart on the Internet before. I was so depressed that time; I am so focused on my pain. It engulfed me; all I see was sadness. To cut the story short, my misery found company on Facebook, so I spent more than four hours every night in front of the computer, changing my status messages almost every hour depending on what bleak of an inspiration my depression is giving me. Admittedly, though, I found myself quite creative during those times; I was also extremely pathetic. I never realised what is slowly becoming of me until a friend gave me a kick in the butt in the form of a “motherly” reprimand. What she told me is the most “concernest” (if there is such a word) piece of advice that a true friend can give to a friend. During that time though, it felt like the harshest, unsolicited criticism I ever received. It stung like a bee bite; it felt like a salt on a wound. Nevertheless, it gave me a hell of a wakeup call. And it says, “Hey! Who’s the loser now? Unless you pull yourself up together, you’ll get a one way trip down the drain.”



PRUDENCE, girlfriends, is the keyword here.





#3 Minimise contact, if not, avoid it at all cost. A wound won’t heal if you continuously scratch it.



An ex will probably tell you that he wants to stay friends. That sounds comforting—he still cares about you and there’s a chance you’ll end up together again. So, why not grab that chance? After all, friends is better than none.



But hey! This isn’t being smart, and you will only hurt yourself more in the end.



I can only think of three probable reasons why he would want to still hang around:



* He believes that being “friends” will make everything easier for the both of you. But the truth is, it will only delay your healing process.



* He doesn’t want you to completely disappear from his life. His Days are never the same without you.



Now, don’t get your hopes high because—he also doesn’t want you IN HIS LIFE!



He might miss you only because you have been a part of his routine. Humans are habitual by nature. We miss some people not because we really care for them, but because we are used to having them around.



* He might take advantage of your friendship in one way or another (friends with benefits, influence, etc.).



So, even if you still care about your ex, distance yourself from him. Give yourself some time to heal. Go out with your gals and meet new people. If you and your ex have common friends, ask them not to mention anything pertaining to him. Because whether he got a new job or found a new GF, it is none of your business anymore. You are not part of his life now, and he made that clear when he said that it is OVER. You have your own life to live, so focus your attention on yourself and no one else.



Don’t wait for him. Don’t live at a standstill. Don’t hope that he’ll return. Discover a path that doesn’t lead back to his road. If one day, by God’s mercy (lol), he realize that it’s you he wanted, he’ll catch up with you. And hopefully, you’re not already in love with someone else when that happens.

I know I’m Strong Because…

The challenges we successfully won are the measure of our strength, and the problems that came are our way bring out our true character. And so, they say.

Reflecting over these things, I came to realize that in someway, although I failed to ride out some, if not most, of the waves that attempted to crush my boat, I grow strong (and should I say, tough) over their constant beatings.

This might sound egotistical, but I know I am strong because…

I never easily give up although things appear to be completely hopeless.

I keep the faith alive even if it’s the only thing that is leading me through the night.

I stand firm on my feet even though my legs are badly shaking, wanting to give up.

I keep a smile even though tears are falling from my eyes.

I never turn my back on a challenge without giving it a try and even though my risk for losing is high.

I admit my mistakes even if it means losing my pride.

I say sorry for my misdeeds although others might see it a weakness of character.

I stay close to the people I have an issue with like a fly to the fire.

I never dodge communication no matter how sensitive, awkward and discomforting the issue is.

I always try to be objective and fair in all my dealings.

I stab my friends and foes in front to keep the fight fair.

I speak up my mind although I know that not everyone will like it.

And lastly, I do what I believe is right. In short, I don’t please people if I don’t feel like it.

Dealing with a Breakup: Moving On After a Fatal Crash (Part 1)

In one of my blogs here, I offered the ladies some men-repelling tips that will surely make the males raise the flag and say, “Guess what? I had enough. We’re through!”

Now ladies, listen, if you got what you wanted and finally succeeded in driving the bloke away—and then realized later on that it is not what you really wanted to happen—read on and learn how you can gather your heart’s broken pieces together and move on with life after the bomb was dropped.

Before we get to that part, though, make sure to have an honest conversation with your guy. Talk to him. Admit your mistake and say that you are sorry. Of course, be prepared to hear him out too for he will surely have a lot of things to say, including those things that hurt. But keep your composure anyway, stretch your patience, and zip your mouth. Listen to him and try to understand what he is going through.

Depending on how your conversation went and how badly or little he was affected by the breakup, expect one of the following to happen:

• He’ll accept the apology and admit that he doesn’t want the relationship to go to waste.

• He’ll ask you to give him some time off, alone, to clear his mind and make sense of everything that happened.

• He’ll tell you that it is really over and that he doesn’t want to get back with you ever again.

If everything turned out fine, then good! However, if he stood firm about the breakup, then respect his decision and graciously accept that there is no “us” anymore. At all cost, never beg or cry in front of him. Crying and begging doesn’t work. They’ll only make you appear needy and clingy, which is no attractive for a lady at all.

"If you can't save the relationship, at least save your pride."

Now, back to the part of “recovering after your heart’s fatal crash,” you can take the healing process step-by-step, one-day-at-a-time, or at whatever pace you prefer. The most important thing is, you keep the following goals in mind and make them your reason for waking up every day:

Move on
Make my life better
And be a better person

Of course, to be able to achieve all these goals, there are some steps that you need to take. And I must admit—they are not all that easy. We’re gonna have a lengthy discussion about these moving-on-after-a-break-up tips, so I have chosen to dedicate the second part of this blog solely for them. So, just keep posted, OK. ^_^

Just My Rantings

You will read nothing valuable in this blog except for my rantings. Yes, only my rantings, my never ending blabs, and my emotional outbursts. I created this page mainly for that reason alone--nothing more and nothing less. If you want to read something that makes sense, something that is written with the spirit of sanity, then go to my other blog:

http://livingrandomlife.blogspot.com/

So now you might be probably thinking, happy2berd is not happy at all. Well, you’re both right and wrong.

You are right, because Berd is not happy all the time. Even the happiest person in the planet has some bad days too.

You are wrong, because even though I don’t feel so great, being able to express my emotions here gives me some sort of relief. You know that feeling—it’s like having a really sticky phlegm in your throat and you are able to blow it all out in one coughing. Yeah, a-ah. . . relief.

I love my life more than ever! I have just survived what supposed to be a boring 4-day holiday with the help of my friends. Thanks Edz, Kristal, Briyce, Zen, Shella, Kan, and the rest of the gang for the adventure! I'm having a mixed feeling right now. I'm happy that I had fun; I'm sad coz the fun is over. Hayz life.

Jason Mraz's Senseless Lyrics

I love this guy so much that no matter how senseless his songs are, I still hum and sing my heart out with him on the mp3 player. I love his rhyming and rapping-like singing that I can stand playing his tunes over and over again for a day. However, sometimes, some of his music are simply senseless, in all sense of the word, yeah. Take this stanza from his song "Flying My Guilt Over a Quilt", for example.

Drain the veins in my head
Clean out the reds in my eyes to get by
Security lines, the x-ray machine
Pretend you don't know me so well
I wont tell if you lie
Cry 'cause your droughts been brought up
Drinkin' 'cause you're lookin so good in your Starbuck's cup
I complain for the company that I keep
The window's for sleeping
Rearrange well I'm nobody well who's laughing now?

We'll I don't exactly know if he's using some metaphors, analogies, or any other kind of rhetorics. But no matter how hard I try to analyse, examine and dissect the lyrics, I can't understand why those lines are included in the song in the first place. Perhaps I should ask Jason M himself to explain why he wrote such things. Does anyone of you guys knows his Facebook account?

The Act of Randomness

Randomness – however you define it, is life for me. I have never really enjoyed life until I started to do things randomly. Its meaning is encompassing: it is calling friends late in the evening for an ounce of midnight fun, joining a group of nonfriends for a drink, popping out at a friend’s house uninvited, etc. Randomness is doing things that are not planned. It is breaking the habit, messing up with the schedule.

I used to be the good, silent type of kid, whom you’ll think could pass the test for sainthood. I do things as I planned them; I always follow the rules. I thought my life was perfect then because it was in order; it goes according to plan. I never realised how bad it was until I get to taste the ugly side of life. With ugly I mean getting hurt, disappointed, failed, rejected, and betrayed; it is feeling helpless, hopeless, faithless, and so on. By experiencing these negative emotions, I learned that there is more to life, and I have more control over it. I realised that even if my plans failed, I can choose not to feel bad about them. Even if somebody hurt me, I can choose not to feel the pain. Being random has given me more choices on what course to take, what path to follow, and what decision to make. I have always been afraid of the future coz I have not figured out a plan for it yet. But knowing that I can be random offered me some sort of hope. So, even if my life seems to be at a standstill at the moment, I am confident that I’ll get a resolution through the act of randomness. Amen.